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Danzig is terrible.
I am so burnt out right now, I cant even get myself to do homework.
Today was busy enough anyway.
Somewhere in between classes I figured it so much easier to shut up and be happy than have to explain yourself for a bad mood. Every one seems to get angry and want to debate. Im tired of debating. Im in a bad mood, and so what? I donapos;t want avid readers, I want some human fucking interaction. Tell me about your bad day, so I donapos;t feel so lonesome, indulge me.
Its like people dont seem to speak English anymore. Faces go to a mix between puzzlement and deafness.
Thats ok because 99 of the time I feel like whatever comes out of my mouth just falls to the floor and gets kicked around. Even when its not on a negative subject. Perhaps I am a dullard. Truly, I am just an imbcel merely scratching at the surface of a thick layer of scar tissue. Than again, arnt we all? To a degree. Some obviously more than others.

I know Im a specific personality but damn. It gets very frustrating for me. I try to be normal. Ive tried to fit in.
But I am just such a damn circle peg trying to force into a square hole. I am the crooked Picasso at the Mormon meeting. I feel so alone and unwanted, and like trash to be perfectly honest.
Whatapos;s the point?
None. Just taking note.
Just biding my time awaiting the arrival of a time in my life where Im encompassed by circle pegs and feel like I can be myself without editing.
Hah. Fat chance.
I have a few. Never seems like enough sad to say. Then again Im always overcompensating due to my fear of isolation and abandonment by having people around me at all times.
I need a community that I can feed energy off of, and bounce around ideas. Basic human needs are of utmost irritation.
Im surprised to find myself writing about this at the moment. I have had a productive day. As of late I am more competent in staving off my foul moods by rearranging my thought processes. I still have apprehensive approach biting at my heels.

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Waxing Something girls do to make themselves feel better when they look at their smooth hairless skin. To my rude shock, my experience with waxing turned out to be a disaster.

Going to a reputed chained beauty spa was my assurance of a smooth procedure. I returned home last Thursday after my waxing treatment. When I took my shower, my legs were burning Red patches had appeared on my lower legs.

Two days later, the red patches had swelled and became hot to the touch. Resigned, I knew itapos;s time to see a doc.

After confirming that it was a chemical burn, I returned to the beauty spa and requested for the rest of my waxing treatments in my package to be changed to pedicure. No apologies were mentioned. Only defensive comments like I thought I asked if you felt the temperature was too hot?apos;

I felt like screaming at the girl that it was a chemical burn due to the changed in product and due to her neglience she had failed to do a test patch, thus causing the burn.

Anyway, they refused my request and said their best is to change my waxing to paraffin wax. Why would I want to subject my skin chemical products from them anymore?

Sigh. It had been really disappointing. So much for paying more for a reputed salon.

Now I await the response of their manager whom I was told would get back to me 3 days later. So� much for customer service.

�

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So, this being October, I made the all important Birthday List; the list of things that I wish for my nearest and dearest to give to me. I always feel weird writing it. Itapos;s not that I donapos;t want things. Hell, there are tons of things I want.�I just donapos;t like listing them out for people. Makes me feel greedy. So I ended up with only about seven things on the list, though given some time, I could probably list about three dozen more. Then I got to thinking, more than just these things, there are some gifts I would love above all else. Unfortunately, theyapos;re not the sort of things you can buy and giftwrap. For those that are interested, this is my Real Birthday List;

1. More Confidence. I spend so much time as a paranoid mess, certain that the whole world is going to come down around my ears, that frankly Iapos;m sick of it. Just for a while, I wish I wasnapos;t so scared of everything.

2. Broader Taste Palette. Things would probably be so much easier, not to mention healthier, if I could just eat the foods that are good for me without gagging.

3. Longer Attention Span. There are so many things in the world to do. And during the course of my lifetime, Iapos;ll probably do all of them. Unfortunately, Iapos;ll only start all of them; never finish anything. Which is better, to do a little of everything before getting distracted by the next, or doing a limited number of things really well?

4. An Instruction Manuel. So Iapos;m almost a quarter of a century old, and I have absolutely no idea what to do with the rest of my life. I thought as least Iapos;d have an inkling by now, but Iapos;m just as lost as I was when I graduated high school. One of my coworkers says that thereapos;s something that every person is meant to do, itapos;s only a question of finding it. Of course, sheapos;s in her forties and still looking, which is not giving me much hope that Iapos;ll find my own true goal in life before I die. But Iapos;m pretty good at following directions (tab A into slot B) so maybe if somebody just pointed me in the right direction, I could actually get this journey started.

5. World Peace. For Godapos;s sake people, get over yourselves and quit fucking up the planet People actually gotta live here, you know Have some respect, you morons

And thatapos;s all I want. No, really. Okay, a million dollars would be nice too.

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:O, P.E, flying tennis balls, water balloons, a student council meeting AND volleyball practice Today was pretty tiring, OH YEAH, then I have this thing in a couple hours, ugh. Well actually, no Iapos;m sorta happy i have something to do tonight, itapos;s just that these things last to like 11 pm, and I gots to wake up early tommorrow.

Woah, I donapos;t even remember what happened this morning. Maybe I forgot when someone threw a freakin tennis ball at my head =.=apos; I didn;t wanna get into detail today anyway.

So in science/math class we used our catapault project thingies and launched random items at each other�:O. Ehh, actually, mostly sticks, tennis balls and water balloons [: Hecka fun I hit Jessie, bwahahaha I wanted to get hit with a water balloon ]: Only April and Mr. Wilmot did, but thatapos;s only coz of Bryan. Haha. I dodjed all of the balls exept for one, but that doesnapos;t count coz we were freaaakin DONEE. D: Oh well.

Then the rest of the day was learning.. Blah blah blah blah blah. OH, at lunch, Bryan made a ball explode in mid-air, it was bomb :O. But then Mrs. Ferrel got mad at him. ... Why is 7th grade intimidated by us? Itapos;s like, we step in and then they run away, D:

Then more learning. Snore. OH YEAH, then we had the student council meeting too. It looks like itapos;s only me and Christine running for VP. RAWR RAWR RAWR oH YEAH ITS ONNN, ITapos;S ON LIKE A ...LAMP WOOOTT

VOTE ANGELA C FOR SCHOOL VP, YEAH MANGS? [:
And good luck to Christine too�WOOH�Yeah�
HAHA, Me and Christine are running for VP,
Marie and Shanelle are running for President :D�
I think itapos;s funny.

So we had the meeting, I was the only person who was really talking. I think thatapos;s why the teacher like, laughed at me everytime I raised my hand XD. [note to self: work on the posters] Then I went straight to volleyball practice. I thought I was late, apparently not. I just found Brianna, April, Christine, and Jay sitting on the benches. They looked bored, and the 6th grade game was going on against STV. It was burning hot. ]:�We just sorta chilled, and everyone declared they didnapos;t wanna go to practice. April and I were singing our new hit single from our new album "Asian Invasion", so I started yell/singning "THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND WOOOHH EAHH YEAHH YEAHH" Then some 6th grader looked at me all weird. I said "DONT HATE D: RAWR." Then sheapos;s like "I ainapos;t hating :O" Then she ran away. I think I scared her. Stephanie�came�and told me she wanted to�stow me away in the trunk�of her car XD�But I was like "Not today." and so Christine and Stephanie�left.�The Coaches were attending the game anyway, so we didnt really do anything�until someone gave us a ball.�We practiced in a circle, and Jayanne kept going "Angela, you need a boyfriend." I was like "wtf." Then Jay was like "GET ONE. GET A HOT ASIAN NOW. GO." I laughed :D Sheapos;s a silly little girl. Then Jay, April, and Brianna were being.. BLAHBLAHHBLAHH. Then Esu came, and then we talked about his trip to Seattle. Heapos;s an awesome dude, how can anyone hate on him?

OH YEAH AT P.E WE DOUBLE DUTCHED,� AND JULIA IS THE QUEEN OF DOUBLE DUTCH, BE JELOUS. Aaron did pretty ok. So did





..................Awe.


�

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Well today... Was the big day for my thank you speech to Mr Nobuhito Hobo, and yes i was nervous.... I could still feel my heart beat race....well Saw MG at the seminar and i bet he as suprised to see me there. Anyways...the whaling part was interesting and yea.... Honestly i couldnapos;t care less about whaling... Weapos;re humans for godapos;s sake... If the neanderthalapos;apos;s saw us like this they would probably spank us back to the beginning of time....weapos;re born to hunt�why are people so blinded by this.... I know... They are just weak.... They should be slayed on the spot....i would gladly do that.....oh... I canapos;t wait til the day hell opens up and then i can finally unleash everything SLAY�THE�WEAK�only the strong shall survive....this world isnapos;t fit for those weak people....
anyways....

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I have totally had enough of people talking shit about bands.
I know Irsquo;ve had this rant many times before, but I just canrsquo;t ignore it.
I honestly just do not understand what the fuck is wrong with these people.
I mean, for Godrsquo;s sake, get a fucking life. Grow the fuck up. Better yet, go fucking kill yourself and make the world that little bit more asshole-free.
Who the hell are YOU to judge ANYONE?
Are you in the best band to ever exist? NO So shut the fuck up and stop acting like it.
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, gives a shit what you think about ANY band. Your opinions mean NOTHING. Your every thought is irrelevant because YOU DONrsquo;T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE ON ABOUT.
I have been forced to avoid looking up anything to do with any bands that I like on the internet because I am sick to fucking death of finding stupid, pathetic, childish, arrogant, and ignorant comments left on EVERYTHING by stupid fucking losers who have no lives and sit in front of their computers all day looking up bands they donrsquo;t even like just to bitch and moan about them.
HOW FUCKING COOL ARE YOU?
Now, Irsquo;m not saying that they arenrsquo;t allowed to have an opinion, because obviously everyone is. All Irsquo;m saying is: GO TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT. BECAUSE WE DONrsquo;T.
And Irsquo;m not saying that they have to like the band/s either, because not everyone is going to like the same thing, and if we did that would be terribly boring, and no one would ever discover anything new. Everyone is different. We all have our own tastes and preferences. My favourite band could be the one you hate the most. And thatrsquo;s just fine. I donrsquo;t care. What I care about is your constant need to tell EVERYONE how much you hate this band. WHY? What the fuck do you get out of it except making an ass of yourself and a lot of enemies? Does it make you feel special? Does it make you feel like a big man? Is that what gets you off, hating on people for whatever stupid reason you have? Or is it your fucked up way of making yourself feel better about your own pathetic life, like if you can convince just one fan that their favourite band sucks you arenapos;t quite as shitty and disgusting as you (and everyone else) think.
Well you know what? NO ONE CARES IF YOU HATE THIS BAND ndash; except all the other dumbass losers who actually take the time and effort to hate a band. So why donrsquo;t you all piss off somewhere else and leaves us alone? The truth is this: if you are that pathetic you would actually take time out of your day to look up a band that you hate just to leave dumb comments on their pages then we are fucking glad you donrsquo;t like this band.
YOU DONrsquo;T DESERVE TO LIKE THIS BAND.
YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO THIS BAND.
THIS BAND DOES NOT NEED YOU.
WE (THE FANS) SURE AS HELL DONrsquo;T WANT YOU.
Now.
I know yoursquo;re just looking for a fight, trying to cause trouble, making a scene. Maybe yoursquo;re just some retarded fuck who needs the attention. Maybe yoursquo;re just an egotistical wank stain that needs removing. Maybe yoursquo;ve just been mistakenly led to believe that people care about what you think or what you have to say. Or maybe yoursquo;re just a fucking loser. Irsquo;m gonna go with that one.
Whatever reason it may be, the end is still the same. ldquo;No one listened, no one cared.rdquo;
You can piss us off all you want, at the end of the day yoursquo;re the dumbfuck looking up bands you donrsquo;t even like, wersquo;re just defending the ones we love.
WHOrsquo;S THE STUPID CUNT THEN?
Wake up, asshole.
Take a look around. Take a look in the mirror. What makes you think you can go around talking all this shit like itrsquo;s not gonna catch up with you? You may not believe in karma, but it believes in you. You get what you give, I hope you can fucking take it.
I am tired of this bullshit. You are missing the whole point.
IF YOU DONrsquo;T LIKE A BAND, DONrsquo;T FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM DONrsquo;T READ ABOUT THEM, DONrsquo;T LOOK UP THEIR VIDEOS, DONrsquo;T VISIT THEIR WEBSITES. If you put this much effort into the things you LOVE imagine how much more amazing your life would be.
Itrsquo;s really not a hard concept to grasp. Listen to what you like, forget the rest. And stop being an ignorant, disrespectful asshole.
By the way, do you think yoursquo;d have the balls to say all this shit to our faces if we ever met?
My guess? NO Yoursquo;re a big man when you can hide behind your computer screen, but when it comes down to it yoursquo;re just a fucking pussy. If you canrsquo;t say it to my face DONrsquo;T FUCKING SAY IT AT ALL.
Right, rant over.
Good fucking bye.

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Iapos;ve been working on Sibelius 5 to create music scores, but things are going awfully slow. I need to speed up, as I really want to start a music publishing company. I should have gotten Sibelius five years ago. If I had, I would be an expert now. Although there are some minor bugs, Sibelius is amazing. I love it.

Iapos;ll try to compose music and have a friend of mine from Germany arrange it as an orchestral piece. One of my wildest dreams is to compose a piece that is as good as J.S.Bachapos;s work. Haha. J.S.Bach is my favorite composer of all time.


---
I got an e-mail from P-chan today. I donapos;t know what she wants, and Iapos;m a bit confused. I havenapos;t written back yet, and Iapos;m not sure if I should do so.


---
My favorite musicians tend to die young. This isnapos;t a mystery; a musician who led a hard life or who is having a hard time cries out in his or her music. I can hear the pain, whether or not I can understand the lyrics. After all, there are no boundaries in music.....

Anyway, this is a video by the Carpenters. Karen Carpenter is one of my all-time favorite female singers. I love this song...



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